patriotic anyone??

I was taken aback when instead of flashing the certificate for screening 'The Dark Knight', the projectionist projected Lata Mangeshkar, with certain other singers, singing the national anthem. All the audience stood up out of the respect, atleast to say so, for the nation and the national anthem. Seeing everyone around making efforts to stand, even i stood up, but i was still wondering whether the action was out of respect for the nation or just because since everyone else was doing it. I would have been immensely happy had former been the real cause but actually it wasnt. Moreover, all throughout while the anthem was being played, though i was singing the anthem all along, i was also cursing the projectionist -we've paid 150 bucks to watch the dark knight goddamit. I am still unable to figure out the reason why the anthem was played in the first place??

As far as my respect for the 'national anthem' is concerned, though i have never meant disrespect, the 'respect' actually never came from within. Factually it is always because everyone tells me to respect it, i respect it. I was always agog to know why and how can anyone, if any, exhibit sincere respect to the anthem, but i never met one. One can pity on me or on the nation, makes no differcence, its a fact.

Let me clarify my point. All of us, right in our childhood as early as one can go, were taught how an indian flag looked like, we used to draw it colour it time and again. At the end of every assembly meet in the school, till the high school graduation, we sang the national anthem in chorus. But never at one moment i could really attach myself to it. I dont know when and why was this national anthem composed ( except for the assumed explanation the 'it represents our country') and what does it mean and the sad part is i never cared to know. i dont know why. 15th August, nation's independence day, means no more than a national holiday. Even outside India(though i have never been abroad i know a handful of those who did) an indian may not necessarily associate and help another indian. India has rich cultural heritage and few among these which i am aware of is being met with lot of cynicism these days, in india itself. So what is it which will actually make me feel i am an indian or it can as well be i am not capable of feeling it.

Today as i was watching the podium ceremony honouring Mr. Abhinav Bindra with a gold medal i felt a sudden rush in my blood. Mr.Bindra had shades of saffron and green on the sleeves of his jacket and after honouring with the gold medal, the indian flag was raised along with the finnish(bronze) and chinese(silver) flags, with indian flag a liitle higher than the other two, and only indian national anthem was played along with it. I dont know but watching all this filled me with ecstasy. Though i didnt knew Mr. Bindra until today, his achievement pleasingly thrilled me. Though the chinese and the finnish achieved an almost equal feat it didnt made any difference to me. I felt i was somehow related to those saffron and green shades and the tune which was being played as the flags were raised. I felt proud though I didnt achieve anything. This whole experience filled me with a sense of deja vu -the start of the finals of the cricket world cup 2003.

All this compelled me to believe that deep within me, the feeling of being an indian exists and it surfaces out only at moments like those mentioned earlier. Again, i dont know why. Ahead in my life i want to emancipate this deep rooted patriotism in me so that the sense of belogingness to this country does not have to surface only when a gold medal in won in olympics, instead remains on the surface forever. I'll make efforts to discover means which will bring this emancipation. It may sound chimerical but i feel its worth trying. i'll start by understanding what our national anthem says.

Good Bye !